4.09.2014

baby g moves home

Baby G moved home today. We are exhausted from all of the back and forth of transitioning him. Trying to cushion this shock with increased visits, social stories, hugs, and sometimes just sitting and crying with him while he struggles with the confusion of loving so many people and seeming never to have a permanent place. I tell him one hundred times a day that I love him, that I will always love him no matter where he is or how many miles separate us. I make him look me in the eyes when I say it. I think I'm hoping that somehow it will sink deeply into his two-year-old brain and heart that he had a mother and she loved him fiercely, that he was not abandoned yet again, but lovingly covered in prayers and hopes and wishes for a life surrounded by love and family. As much as we rejoice that G's family is doing well, our hearts are breaking with missing him.

Baby G is such a strong, sweet boy. He came to us shut down and confused. He'd been in so many homes in such a short span of time and ours was just one more. He wouldn't sleep at night, wouldn't eat during the day, and screamed if I wasn't holding him or if I was sitting down while holding him or if I happened to not be holding him the right way. He screamed a lot. After 48 hours with G, I remember crying in gratitude when he finally slept for a three hour stretch. It was the first sign that we all might survive this.

I have so many beautiful memories of G. Even at just 2 years old he was full of personality. When P would get in trouble and cry his way over to the time-out spot, G would follow him in stoic silence and sit down next to him. He wouldn't say anything or make any noise, he would just sit with P while he cried. It's one of my favorite memories of the boys as brothers. When G would learn how to do something new especially if it is something he is NOT supposed to be doing, he would grin so wide his whole face lighting up. I have a video of him the first time he figured out how to jump on a bed and he just cackles and cackles and I can't count the number of times I turned my back for a minute only to find that he had climbed on top of the dining room table and was sitting smack dab in the center of it grinning like the Cheshire Cat. So mischievous, so sweet, so full of life.

Update 5/14:
We're very thankful to have such a good relationship with G's family. We will get to continue visiting with him for the foreseeable future and hope that we'll get to be a supportive presence in his life throughout his childhood. I remind myself daily that this is what we got into foster care for and while one part of us is grieving the loss of his constant presence in our lives, the other part is cheering on his family as they continue on their journey to healing and restoration. It is worth it.